At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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