I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
