If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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