Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
