my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
