Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
