Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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