I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
