Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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