you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
