no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
