your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
