dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
