The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
