went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize