Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
