Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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