I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
