I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
