Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
