gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
