Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
