People in love make me want to vomit
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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