I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
