I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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