Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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