literally had 100 drinks last night.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
