Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
