Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
