oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
