yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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