you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
