so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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