i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
