im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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