So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
