I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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