i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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