then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
