As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
