Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
