I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize