meet me or not, i'm out of control
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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