How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
