is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
