I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
