I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
