Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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