Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize