Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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