1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
