Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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