Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
