Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
