Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
