PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
