i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize