I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
