I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
