My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
