just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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