friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
