the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
