chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
