the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
