you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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