$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
