and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
