They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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