we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
