Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
