I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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