OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
