I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
