currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My ass is underappreciated
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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