You can't motorboat a personality
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
