It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
