I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
