you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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