I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
