just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
