he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
