Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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