I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
