I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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