Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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