i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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