he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The uberlube is also flammable
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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