Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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