yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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