...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
